Hades, King of the Underworld

Greetings fans of Greek and Roman mythology! After having recently written about Aphrodite and Persephone, I promised that I would discuss Hades (Roman name Pluto) in this post. Since it certainly seems to be as hot as Hades today, I have decided to do just that. Hades, as you will no doubt recall, was the brother of Zeus, Poseidon, Demeter, Hera, and Hestia, hence the son of Cronus and Rhea. After the Titanomachy had concluded in which the gods defeated the Titans, Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades all picked straws to see who would rule what part of the world. Hades, to his great detriment, picked the short straw, hence was sent down deep into the Underworld where he brooded; he never set foot upon Mount Olympus. Hades not only refers to the god, but also the Kingdom of Hades, that is, the Greek Underworld. I guess it would be really strange to refer to the Underworld as "Zeus" or "Poseidon": sizzling as Zeus or piping hot as Poseidon just sounds peculiar--or parching as Poseidon? Maybe it was linguistic destiny decreed by the Fates (Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos) that Hades would rule the dark realm, ousting its resident ruler, Hecate, the original ruler of the Underworld, a being with the bodies of a mare, lion, and dog, who was between 90 and 105 feet tall. You'd have to be daunting and formidable once you find out what the Underworld was like.

Despite all silly assurances by animated movies out there, Hades was not evil. He just couldn't be particularly cheery when he was in the dark all day. Imagine a land that was only lit by asphodel, or dimly glowing flowers. Imagine a land that had five rather ominous rivers: the Styx, or River of the Unbreakable Oath or Hate; the Phlegethon (or Pyriphlegethon), the River of Fire (whoa!); the Lethe, the River of Forgetfulness; the Acheron, or River of Woe or Pain (starting to get the picture here?); and the Cocytus, the River of Lamentation. Hard to be cheery if you're the guy who is in charge of these wonderful liquid topographical features. I mean we're not talking the Mississippi river where peaceful steamboats sail about, or the beautiful Danube flowing gracefully throughout Europe towards enticing ports of call!

Oh, and, did I mention the denizens of the Underworld? The Greeks believed that once you died, you were ferried across the river Acheron by Charon, the ferryman of the dead (but only if you were buried with the proper obol, or coin, under your tongue, otherwise you'd be forced to wander about on the wrong side of the Underworld for eternity). Then you would pass Cerberus, the three-headed guardian of the Underworld, who instead of fur on his back had the flickering tongues of snakes, and instead of normal barks, had thunderclaps issuing from all three of his cavernous maws. After Cerberus certified that you were indeed dead, you had to undergo the scrutiny of Minos and Rhadamanthus, the terrible judges of the Underworld, who would send you to one of three places: the Elysian Fields (Elysium), Tartarus, or Limbo (more in a moment on those). Oh, and of course the Erinyes (Roman Furies) had their dwelling in Hades; Alecto, Tisiphone, and Megara would certainly add a bit of atmosphere as they winged about looking for victims to slice and dice.

So, if you were a Greek and died, and presumably underwent the proper burial (coin under tongue as fee for Charon and all), what did you have to look forward to?

The Elysian Fields were only open to heroes, so practically no one could go there. It was a perfect place in which to spend the rest of eternity. Boring, maybe, but probably better than the other two options listed below. That, of course, leaves you out, unless of course you've recently killed a Minotaur, Gorgon, Chimera, Hydra, or some such fearsome beastie.

Tartarus was the land of eternal torment; it was guarded by a pitch black hydra with fifty heads that breathed out black acidic fire. Really, really bad dudes went there, or people who made the gods particularly mad (especially Zeus, who had an amazingly short temper). Some of the famous inhabitants of Tartarus included Ixion, Sisyphus, Tantalus, and the Titan Tityus. If you're one of those guys, don't tell anybody you read this blog.

Limbo is where most of the dead would go, and where you would, with all probability, end up. When judged thus, you were compelled to drink from the river Lethe and would forget everything about what and who you were in your previous life. You would then turn into a mane, or shade of the Underworld, and simply wander about aimlessly for the rest of eternity; you couldn't even talk to any of your dead friends because you both wouldn't recognize each other and you would have forgotten how to talk. No cell phone companies or Facebook or Google chat in the Underworld! However, Plato does mention in the Republic that reincarnation was possible, a certainly preferable condition to complete and under mindlessness (perhaps you know some people already who are half-mane?).

It is no wonder then that Hades, ruling in his deep, dark land in his gloomy palace wanted a companion, and so abducted Persephone. After all, imagine one moment in time, that silly drawing of a short straw (I mean, shouldn't there have been at least a long, involved contest, or a pretty intense interviewing process) that set the life of Hades forever. How unfair is that? Life's unfair, but in the case of Hades, death was unfair too. Let's have some Pluto pity.

**Interesting Fact** Despite the fact that Pluto's planethood officially came to an end in 2006 after 76 glorious years (I could make several horrible puns on Pluto: R.I.P. Pluto, which would be particularly delicious for a god of the dead who can't die, but I won't at this point), I, for one, still recognize it as such. Hasn't Pluto (Hades) already suffered enough without a pointless demotion to a mere icy large rock in space?

**Mythology Book Corner**  This recommendation include Heroes, God, and Monsters of the Greek Myths, a great introduction to Greek mythology.  Receives rave reviews at Amazon as a quick but captivating and enthralling read. 

Interested in improving your vocabulary? Find out how the Greek and Latin languages gave rise to most of the English language at www.wordempire.com.